Three-fourths of men reach consistent orgasms during penetrative sex. Care to guess how many women do? Less than one-third. That means two out of three women are being denied the pleasure of sexual release during vaginal penetration. Do you know which third your woman is in? And, do you know why?
Because men and women are wired differently, men (fairly or not) can achieve arousal and release much more easily than women. For some men it only takes two minutes of arousal before he’s ready to go. But women? Some studies have shown that foreplay for a woman takes up to 72 hours. What the…? That’s right. Most women, despite the crap Cosmo has to say, need to feel safe and desired to be aroused. Very few women are sated by the “wham-bam” techniques of “modern-day” sex.
In all of my research from the most established professionals when it comes to happy, healthy sexual relationships between men and women, the number one thing I’ve learned is that men are terribly misinformed (by magazine articles, by songs, movies, television commercials, well meaning friends, and locker room talk) when it comes to pleasing their woman. Here are just three of the most surprising things I’ve learned that men need to know.
1. You Should Touch Her Without Expecting Sex.
Hopefully this is not a novel idea to you, but you’d be surprised to learn just how many women stop kissing and touching their spouses because they’re actually afraid they’re sending the wrong signals to their men. When a woman offers a kiss on the lips or tap on her man’s butt, she’s likely offering a playful gesture of love, but men may wrongly see it as an actual invitation to the bedroom. So, over time, women who are fretful of having to say “no” to sex, prefer to keep their playful gestures to a minimum. Which is pretty sad considering the fact that playful, romantic gesture can really keep intimacy alive; not to mention they can just make both partners’ day a little brighter. But, the truth is, all of those touches will add up. They will make her feel loved, wanted, and special. They may even keep the spark of intimacy between the two of you robust, increasing your libido and hers … and you may be pleasantly surprised by her offer of an actual invitation to the bedroom.
2. Compliment Her.
Don’t google this subject. Seriously. In today’s current social politics of male-female relationships, you’re likely to read that complimenting a woman will sound “creepy.” Not so. Of course, I’m not referring to random women — I mean your woman– the same woman who is bombarded with body-shaming messages all day every day by the society in which she resides. Trust me on this one, she’s probably harder on herself than you could ever be. Everything she encounters tells her she should dress better, be thinner, blonder, prettier, and have bigger breasts. She can hardly live up to her own expectations of beauty, conformity, and success, much less the world’s. You should be her safe place where she can be honored for just being herself. Nothing is quite as arousing for a woman as feeling secure with the man she loves. If she feels admired and emotionally supported by you, she will want to take refuge in your arms; and more likely, in your bed. And, speaking of bed…
3. Get “Clitorit.” Find out where her clitoris is and learn how to treat it.
Forget everything you think you know about having sex with a woman because “I banged her so hard…” will very rarely please a woman. In fact, very few women are able to climax through vaginal penetration alone. A woman’s orgasm is always clitoral. To be fair, it’s no wonder men are so misinformed. It wasn’t until the 1990s that science actually learned the full anatomy of the clitoris. What? That’s right. The 20th century. Turns out that her “love button” isn’t really a button at all. It’s just the tip of the iceberg for female arousal. For more amazing facts about the clitoris and how to treat it, I recommend the seminal offering (pun intended) on oral sex written by Ian Kerner, entitled She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. You can get to it by visiting my research section. It will knock your socks off and curl her toes.